Pay-check

I wish i could say I'm too strong or that I've got too much pride to get sad about certain things, but the shit is I'm not, and i still cant deal with some people's selfishness. How can they just don't care? I guess that's exactly the key, maybe that's why every single motherfucker in this goddamn world always seems so damn happy and annoyingly pleased with their crummy little lives. I cant even count on my fingers how many times while bursting in tears i begged to know how it feels like, to look at my own belly and it just feel enough, to be indifferent about people's feelings as long as I'm alright, to do not absorb people's pain and make it my own to just be able to fight it with them. I prayed, I begged, but I couldn't do it, and I still cant, maybe cuz I'm too nice to, or too dumb, nevermind, because I just found how unspeakable disgusting it is, and how unimaginable worthless I would feel. So yes, I prefer to be miserable, to suffer, to bleed, to set a fight to be able to breathe for every single day in this motherfuckin' life, as long as I never wake up in the morning and stare myself in the mirror knowing I'm just like them. But yet more than ever I hope, and goddammit how I crave for it, that one day these people will not be able to lay on their own backs to sleep to pay for every night their victims have lost trying to heal undeserved wounds, and its gonna haunt them, and hurt them, and derange them, and the regret is gonna eat them like fucking maggots. And when this day come, bitch... it is when I laugh, and you cry.

All these things that you've done for me, have left me so... fucking tired. I'm not saying that you haven't done a lot of good, but if there's one thing you can do, you can bleed for me, bleed for me..